Suck it up, buttercup...

I have dreams.

Big ones.

Goals.

Big ones.

And I have an idea of how to go about achieving them. Even the resources to do so.

But am I doing anything about it?

Not really. I mean, I'm THINKING about it a lot, and DREAMING, and making plans. Lots of that going on. But the actual DOING bit?

Nope. Nadda. Nothing.

Why is that? Why, when we have such big goals, dreams and ambitions, do we struggle with taking the DO-ing steps, the action steps?

Some would say laziness. Procrastination. Putting it off until the moment is "right." What is that anyway? What is a "right" moment? 

When we are inspired and motivated? When all the conditions are "perfect”? When we have all our ducks in a row?

Maybe. But I think there is something deeper beneath all the excuses.

I think it's fear. I really do. I think it's fear of failure AND fear of success. Because with success comes tremendous responsibility. And that shit is scary.

What if I don't want to be responsible? Or accountable? What if I don't feel like "adult-ing"? (my new favorite verb!) 

We get overwhelmed. We get caught up in the big picture and the massiveness of it. How can we possibly reach those goals? They feel soooooo far away. 

That's kind of where I'm at right now. Even though some would say I have accomplished some pretty awesome things in the past. That seemed quite unattainable at the time. I'm not new to this process. 

But yet it still bites me in the ass. I still find myself getting stuck in that same "fixing to get ready" loop. Not taking the next step. The small step. The consistent step. Getting stuck in the muck and heaviness of fear. UGH.

But here I am. Knowing what to do yet feeling resistant to do it. It's a curious place to be.

One of my favorite workout tanks has "Suck it up, buttercup" written on it. I love it because it's so true. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it. Do the thing you don't feel like doing. Workout when you don't feel like it. Make that phone call. Write that email. Type up that report. 

Just start. Suck it up and do it. Set a timer for 10 mins and start doing that thing you don't want to do. When the 10 mins are up, check in with yourself and see if you can keep going. If you can't, OK. At least you started. You took the next step, the small step. But if you can keep going, even for just a little bit longer...ROCK STAR. You are golden!

So what is that next thing you need to do that you have been putting off? What is that next step towards your goals and dreams that you just haven't been able to get yourself to do?

Get over yourself and all your excuses. They will always be there.  Plenty of them. Don’t worry. 

Just do it. (#bestsloganever) Suck it up, buttercup, and get 'er done. 

I promise you that that thing that you are working towards and dreaming about WILL make you happy. The sense of accomplishment of working towards it will make you happy. Achieving it will make you happy. Because we all want to do what ultimately makes us happy, right? (even if we don't enjoy the initial process of doing it!)

So go out there and kick resistance's booty and go after those dreams! 

(and remember to do what makes you happy :) 

Strive for what?!?! Naw...

You might have heard that the DC area got some weather recently.

No? 

You mean, you didn’t see the gazillion Facebook status updates of snow covered balconies, before/afters of shoveling, non-plowed streets, indoor shenanigans? You didn’t see any of that? I know. It got old after awhile. We all tried to ignore some of it. Yeah yeah yeah, lots of snow. I was one of those happy-posters. 

But what it forced us to do was rest. Not do anything. To stock up on food and wine (or other beverages) and things to keep us busy for days and days and then just let nature take its course. All out of our control. 

Relinquishing control.

One of the hardest things to do.

Even now. Some people are stuck because their streets have not been plowed. And there is absolutely NOTHING they can do about that. Sure, you can shovel out your driveway and your car, but what use is that if you can’t even get out to your street?

Craziness.

Again, an exercise in relinquishing control.

My situation has been a bit different and I have been quite blessed. I kept my power, they plowed my streets, I am able to travel on main roads. Side roads are still pretty sketch, especially in local neighborhoods, but people are doing what they need to do. Like walking in the middle of streets trying not to get killed.

Something else I have learned is that balance is just plain awesome. Seriously. I have been in a total veg-out, Netflix, sit on my ass wine-drinking mode, which I am DONE with it. Really. Enough “doing nothing” for me. LOL. And I know this is healthy for me since I struggle with doing nothing. But for FOUR freakin' days?!?! Nope. Gotta start doing something! At least something a bit more productive. 

And that’s where balance comes in to play.

You can do-do-do-do-do and then rest-rest-rest-rest-rest but there has to be a balance.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t do too well with the extremes. Too much “do-ing” or too much “resting”. Doesn’t work quite as well for me. 

So I am learning to appreciate the art of “balance” more.

Though I know that is a total dream. I don’t think true balance is possible. Something is always slightly out of balance. But that’s what makes it work and seem like “balance”. 

So how do you do it? I’m not sure yet as that is a daily challenge, but I think the key is to find a medium of both. And sometimes we go to the extremes and that’s OK. But eventually we want to get back “on course.” Whatever that means to you.

So indulge. Go to the extremes. But then find your “balance” again. Extremes are great, but balance is even better.

And remember to do what makes you happy. :) 

Trusting the dots, one year later...

So, I resigned my lease today.

It was quite surreal.

Surreal because I can't believe an entire year has passed since I moved into my new home.

And surreal because of the circumstances of why I had to move.

How different my life is now.

A year ago, if you had told me where I was today, how settled I felt, how much I felt like ME, the real ME, how truly happy I was ... I wouldn't have believed you. Sure, I would have wanted to believe you. But really, in my heart, nah. No way. Because I was in the midst of tremendous heartbreak. You know the drill. Never fun.

You see, a year ago I had to make a very difficult decision. A year ago I had to leave behind a life I thought I wanted. Leave a relationship, a beautiful home, a potential future, all of these amazing things I had dreamed up in my head. I had to leave it ALL and start over again. 

Again. 

Oh, I've been down this road before. This is a well-traveled path for me. Different potholes perhaps, but very similar territory. 

And not fun. There are no shortcuts through heartbreak city and grieving the loss of a relationship and the potential it held. It's messy, it hurts, it makes you cry, like ALL the time ... I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

But, MAN. 

Now that I have perspective? Now that I have hindsight?

Wow. I am so much better off now than I was then. I just couldn't see it.

And how could I? How can you know what you just don't know?

People can give you all sorts of great advice and words of wisdom from their own experiences. And you can take it or leave it. And a lot of the time we leave it. Why? Because we have to go through it ourselves to REALLY get it. Know what I mean? It's like trying to learn how to swim by reading about it in a book. You can't possibly do that. Until you actually get IN the water and start swimming, that's when the true learning begins. When you experience it yourself. 

We all have our own journey. We all have our own path. And we all have our own set of experiences that we need to go through in order to prepare us for what comes next.

And what is that? Who the hell knows! It's unique to all of us. But whatever it is, everything that has happened, all the "good" and the "bad", was necessary to prepare you for this present moment.

You are not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, a week ago, a day ago, even an HOUR ago. Life is constantly changing, with the experiences we have shaping us and pushing us to grow and evolve. Well, most of us. Some of us are a little resistant. #notme LOL.

And as I sit here looking back on the past year, I am in awe. Truly. Sometimes it takes looking back on the past to realize how far we’ve come. So take a moment and do that. Really. Like movie frames passing before your eyes.

As Steve Jobs so eloquently put:

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

Word.

Trust the dots. All of them. And remember to do what makes you happy. 

It's not self-indulgence...

We all need a break sometimes.

Really. 

ALL of us.

Even you superheroes in disguise. You know who you are. I see you. 
(ummmmm ... #recoveringsuperwoman)

Put the cape in the closet. At least for a little bit.

With all joking aside, it is so easy to get caught up in the go-go-go, do-do-do, must-not-stop-EVER of life because our society holds it in such high esteem. It's as if us DO-ing something is somehow tied to our self-worth. That somehow if you're not super busy, you get downgraded on the worthiness scale. (*insert my own self-judgement and criticism here* #yeyselfawareness)

"How are you? What's up?"

"OMG, let me tell you about my non-stop day and all the gazillion and one things I have going on..."

I get it. Totally been there. Still catch myself doing it, in fact.

And you know what? It's not all that sexy. I mean, how often do you actually ENJOY hearing about the craziness of someone's day?

It's kind of stressful.

Sure, I'm all for lending a sympathetic ear. Really. I HEAR you. I really do. We all need that support. I would venture to say that listening to others is one of my strengths. And I enjoy doing it. 

But when you actually catch yourself rehashing the craziness of your own life, did you ever stop and listen to YOURSELF? 

Wow. My life is truly crazy right now. This is nuts.

And you know what? YOU are in control of that. YOU get to choose. 

Yes, I get that there are some things you cannot control.

But you can create that space in the day. Even just a little bit. That space to breathe. That space to not do anything. To bask in the glory of no-thing-ness, even if it's just for a few minutes.

That's called self-care, folks. And we all need it. Lots of it. It is our responsibility. And not only to ourselves, but to others as well. If you have run yourself so dry that you can't give anything to yourself, how do you expect to give to others? 

Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-respect.

So how are you going to respect yourself today? It looks different for everyone. Maybe it's going for a 20 min run, or taking an hour-long Zumba class, or yoga, or getting lost in a novel for 30 minutes, or winding down with mindless Netflix, or maybe it's as simple as shutting the door to your office and just taking a few deep breaths. Whatever it is, DO IT. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Because who else is going to do it for you?

Go be awesome. Take care of yourself. And remember to do what makes you happy.

Give it a voice...

So I’ve decided to start a blog.

A new blog.

For those who know me, they know of my already two pre-existing blogs (with my superpower, cool alias names of ironyogini and ironbikini … notice a theme? rawr. LOL)

No more “iron” in this one.

Though I am combining the content of the two. 

One was more inspirational and a peak under the hood of my more introspective (and vulnerable) side.

The other an online diary of my journey to my first figure competition … and beyond. Basically, a documentation of my passion for fitness.

But both naturally faded away (as many things do), and I have not written a post in quite some time. Months. Years. In fact, I think one blog is no longer in existence due to my negligence in renewing my GoDaddy account. Oops. #fail

Anyway. All that aside. Here I am again. Inspired to write.  And inspired to share those parts of myself again.

Tha parts that bring me JOY.

And those parts all share a common factor.

They all make me feel happy, fit, and free.

Thus the title.

Super creative, I know. #imawesome

Feeling happy and inspiring happiness in others brings me JOY.

Feeling fit brings me JOY.

Feeling a sense of freedom in all that I do brings me JOY.

So why not share it all?

It’s just an experiment.

Come join me in my experimentation of what it means to feel happy, fit, ’n free.

An experiment in JOY.

Because that's the only way to spend the weekend...

Because we all have to start somewhere...